Posted: Wednesday, June 8, 2005 7:00 pm
Dear Mr. Sportsknowitall: What do we need to know about Miami?
The university was founded in 1925 and has nationally ranked programs in business, medicine, marine biology and music.
The school's alumni include: Warren "Breathe Deep" Sapp, Ray "Acquitted" Lewis, Sylvester "Rocky, not the flying squirrel" Stallone, The "Rock" Rock, ESPN folks Suzy Kolber and Jill Arrington and Gloria Estefan.
The school president is former Health and Human Services secretary Donna Shalala, who was not a member of Sha-Na-Na. But she is a member of the Alfalfa Club, which honors the birthday of Robert E. Lee. (Other members include George W. Bush, Arnold Palmer and Warren Buffett).
Dear Mr. Sportsknowitall:
Any nasty stuff about Miami?
Sure. Miami's baseball team just came off a two-year NCAA probation in February. Miami was found guilty of breaking NCAA rules during a time that included 1999 and 2001 (the last two times it won the College World Series). It was Miami's fifth major infractions case before the NCAA.
As a penalty, Miami had to drop a coach from recruiting, cut two scholarships, cut official visits and cut the recruiting budget. When in Lincoln this week, the Hurricanes also have to refrain from pointing out that Miami Beach gets more tourists than Linoma Beach.
Dear Mr. Sportsknowitall:
I couldn't get to the Husker baseball regional. Now I can't get tickets to the super regional. What can I do?
We suggest the university try to accommodate more fans by running a simulated (live) game between Nebraska and Miami on the women's softball diamond that is adjacent to the baseball field. Using the method of humans for chess pieces, as portrayed in "History of the World Part I" and other movies, the game on the baseball diamond would be recreated.
Someone would watch the baseball game and then describe the play, via walkie-talkie, to somebody at the softball diamond.
Then, a designated person would yell "Ping" when the ball is hit, and somebody else would run to first and so on. The fans at the softball diamond would simply mouth the words to the national anthem and "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." The re-creators would probably not wear clothing from the pre-French Revolution days.
Dear Mr. Sportsknowitall:
Can you believe everything you see on the Internet?
Nope. But you have to be sharp. Recently, BBC News, or a mock-up of BBC News, reported that "Spectators cheered as the entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against an African Lion."
"Tickets were sold out three weeks in advance of the event, which took place in Kampong Chhnang." Yang Sihamoni, the president of the CMFL, who watched the lion kill 28 and seriously injure another 14. The report also said the Cambodian government allowed the fight to take place under the condition it received 50 percent commission on each ticket sold.
The report was picked up and repeated by a number of "news" sources on the Internet.
The hoax was easy to spot by yours truly, who knows that Yang Sihamoni is not the president but the executive director of the CMFL. Another tip-off was that the fight couldn't have been held in Kampong Chhnang because the Cambodian lumberjack competition for people who say "Ni" was going on that weekend.
Dear Mr. Sportsknowitall:
That's incredible. But I can see where you found the flaw. What about real sports news?
Real sports news is stuff that sounds unbelievable but is great to hear about, such as: An Ontario curler is banned for two years for testing positive for cocaine metabolite. Taking illegal drugs is harmful and should not be condoned. The ban on a guy sweeping a broom on ice and throwing a 20-pound round iron down the ice seems a little easy. An appropriate penalty would be to make him watch the NBA playoffs from start to finish.
Dear Mr. Sportsknowitall:
Is life good?
It doesn't get much better. The Yankees have a losing record and the Nationals lead the NL East.
Reach Mr. Sportsknowitall at 473-7313 or khambleton@journalstar.com.