On Thanksgiving morning, I wrote down everything I was thankful for on the white board in my hallway.

All of my family. All of my friends.

Books.

Sunshine in November.

The "Internets."

And then, late Thursday night after the company went home and after I sat down with a bowl of popcorn and after I watched my tape of “Grey’s Anatomy” — which, I might add, was really not very good — I realized I’d forgotten to write a few things on that board.

All of the things I was thankful for NOT having.

So without further ado, my new and revised list:

I am thankful to NOT have a popcorn hull any longer stuck under the gum of my back tooth that will not come out even with repeated passes with an industrial strand of dental floss.

I am thankful I did NOT feel the compulsion to get up at 4 o’clock Friday morning to stand in line at Wal-Mart for a clock radio/plasma television/scented candle.

I am thankful Nebraska did NOT fold like a cheap clothesline in the fourth quarter against Colorado on Senior Day. (Full disclosure: I am writing this before the aforementioned football game. If indeed Nebraska DID fold like a cheap clothesline in the fourth quarter I’m thankful I was NOT there to see it.)

I am thankful I am NOT the mother of small children who make giant Christmas lists filled with requests for cheaply made plastic toys.

I am thankful I am NOT a member of the Axis of Evil. I am also thankful I am NOT a member of the Media Elite, no matter what others might think when they see me driving my 1998 Dodge with 142,000 miles.

I am thankful I do NOT have too much money, too little money or too many Beanie Babies purchased in the frenzied days of Beanie Baby mania.

I am thankful that my children have NOT posted any old home movies of me yelling at them on U-Tube.

In that same vein, I am thankful a tall man with a black moustache calling himself Borat Sagdiyev of “glorious nation of Kazakhstan” did NOT come to my newsroom asking me to be part of his documentary.

I am thankful I am NOT young enough to be carded or old enough to be incontinent.

I am thankful I am NOT pretty enough to be ogled or ugly enough to be shunned.

I am thankful O.J. Simpson did NOT make any money for the book he wrote in which he described the murders he did NOT commit (if he really didn’t make any money), although I confess I do wonder what he did write about what he did NOT do and even though I would NOT have paid to find out, I might have looked it up on the Internets.

I am thankful for NOT being an insomniac, a kleptomaniac or having a disease that would cause me to purchase a very small dog that could fit in a purse.

I am thankful I do NOT have a GPS system in my car. I prefer to find my own way, thank you very much.

I am thankful I do NOT have TiVo because I don’t have time to watch any more television than can fit on one 90-minute video tape.

Speaking of television I am also thankful I do NOT have a flat screen TV, because I’ve noticed they make people on the edges of the screen look fat. I find this disconcerting.

I am thankful I am NOT addicted to anything except coffee, lip gloss and dental floss.

I am thankful I do NOT have to rely on FOX-TV to provide my news. I am thankful George W Bush can NOT be re-elected.

I am thankful I am NOT a fashionista and thus can appear in public wearing mom jeans and misshapen ‘80s sweaters, and, on occasion, Birkenstocks with socks.

I am thankful I am NOT hungry or homeless or sick. I am thankful I am NOT living in a country ravaged by war, pummeled by poverty, decimated by disease.

And finally, I am very, very thankful I am NOT lactose intolerant, indifferent to suffering or allergic to chocolate.

Reach Cindy Lange-Kubick at 473-7218 or clangekubick@journalstar.com.