So a guy with a beer box on his head walks into a bar …

I mean a convenience store.

And he asks the clerk for all her money …

I mean he demands a few packs of smokes.

Then he leaves, becoming a YouTube mini-sensation (viewed 14,674 times and linked to the video: "How to make a beer box hat"). The butt of 101 bad beer jokes ("Do you suppose he was Schlitz-faced?")

And a testimonial to the many uses of the empty 12-pack (packing knickknacks for moving day, transporting hot dishes to Thanksgiving dinner, robbing the third-shift clerk.)

You've heard of Lincoln's Bud Light Bandit? Skinny guy, about 5-foot-6, squarish blue head?

Nicotine fiend.

Nicotine. Not a crime of passion, or of greed. A crime of craving.

Here's a guy so desperate for a menthol, he walks into a Kwik Shop on Cornhusker Highway at 4:30 a.m. Monday and doesn't bother with the cash drawer. Instead, he goes straight for the Newports.

Ask anyone who's tried to give up cigarettes. Ask anyone who smokes and runs dry. It's not Miller time, it's desperation time.

You've scoured the ashtray for butts. The floormats for loose change. You've cursed the Nebraska cigarette tax.

Or perhaps if you're our robber, you've just polished off a dozen cans of Bud Light to work up the nerve.

"Actually, as funny as the disguise may be, after a brief chuckle, we really grit our teeth at yet another robbery at this store," Lincoln Police Chief Tom Casady wrote on his blog last week.

And, according to the voice of local authority, the suspect may have struck this Kwik Shop before. (Monday's early morning robbery was the fourth since January, the second for the clerk on duty.)

The man who robbed the joint earlier this month also demanded Newports, Casady said Friday.

The chief was certain he'd be caught.

"The Beer Box Burglar who is addicted to Newports has an ex-wife or a girlfriend … or a former roommate he's stolen from."

And, thanks to the story catching the attention of The Associated Press, the eyes of a city - and a bemused nation - are upon him.

That's a good thing, Casady said.

Because as funny as Mr. Beer Box Head seems, he is a thief, and possibly an armed one at that.

Someone crazy enough to come in with a beer box on his head and rob a store in the middle of the night?

"That's a terrifying thing."

Bud Light Bandits aside, there have been plenty of bone-headed criminals in Lincoln who haven't made the national news, said Lincoln's keeper of Stupid Criminal Tricks.

Plenty who should have.

Cases the chief thought were Jay Leno worthy.

Like the man who cut the lock off his gas meter with a blow torch.

And the guy who ate a urinal cake to foil the Breathalyzer.

And the burglar who lost his pants - with his wallet inside.

"I thought that was pretty darn good," said Casady.

And, he admits, the video of the beer box nicotine-starved bandit is "pretty good" too. At least in the catch-a-crook sense of good. Investigators can study the robber's gait and get a good idea of his physical type.

They've even posted a "help" box on YouTube to accompany the surveillance video.

"The Kwik Shop at 44th/Cornhusker Hwy was robbed by a 'masked' man on Monday 5-25-09 at 4:41am. Check out his unique disguise and contact Crime Stoppers if you know who this Bandit is. Call 474-3600, report online at lnkcrimestoppers.com."

Proving that even police can deliver a punch line.

So a cop with a sense of humor gets on his computer …

Reach Cindy Lange-Kubick at 473-7218 or clangekubick@journalstar.com