ERIN ANDERSEN / Lincoln Journal Star | Posted: Thursday, November 17, 2005 6:00 pm
Only 37 days until Christmas and 38 until Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Boxing Day. Did we mention that Thanksgiving is six days away — and the official Get-Up-Before-the-Crack-of-Dawn-and-Shop-Till-You-Drop-Day-After-Thanksgiving Day is just one week from today. Feeling stressed?
The holiday season — typically just before Thanksgiving through New Year’s — is the most stressful time of year for people, said Kathleen Hall, founder of The Stress Institute in Atlanta and author of the forthcoming book “A Life in Balance: Nourishing the Four Roots of True Happiness.”
“We know that three out of four Americans overspend over the holidays. … 76 percent report losing sleep between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. On average they lose an average of three hours or more per week,” Hall said citing various Gallup polls.
“The holidays are a difficult time financially, emotionally and physically,” she said in a telephone interview.
We have Sugar Plum visions of the perfect holiday. Our kids have visions of gifts galore and endless fun. And then we have that thing called reality mucking up our dreams.
This year add in Katrina, Rita, Wilma, a spate of tornadoes and earthquakes, an ongoing war, volatile gas prices and increasingly dire forecasts on heating costs — and our stress started notches higher than in years past.
So, this week before we gobble up turkey, it is not too early to take stock, make a stress plan and be prepared to handle the onslaught of cooking, special school events, gift shopping, wrapping, holiday parties and decorating the halls, the walls, the roof and beyond.
“The first thing you need to do is hold a family meeting,” Hall said.
Include everyone and talk about your holiday expectations and priorities.
Get a folder and put one sheet of paper in it for each category of items that will cost the family money this holiday season: gifts, food, clothing, travel, decorations, supplies, etc.
“I really noticed that this creates communication at the beginning of the holiday,” Hall said. It helps alleviate some unexpected surprises like your teenager’s plan to spend Christmas with his girlfriend’s family or your daughter’s plan to invite her three friends over for the holiday dinner.
Then compare your actual budget to the estimated cost of all those priorities and expectations, Hall said.
Hold a second meeting to make the budget and the plan match up. Decide as a family how much money you really can and want to spend this holiday season. Prioritize your expectations paring it down to a financially and physically doable list, Hall said.
“It creates choices and it immediately lowers your stress.”
Be creative. Paring down doesn’t necessarily mean eliminating or losing out, Hall said. It also can be a lot of fun to change a high stress expectation into something new and less stressful like making the holiday meal a potluck, drawing names instead of giving everyone a gift, or switching costly presents to something more personal and meaningful, such as a framed family picture or a holiday love letter, Hall said.
Cynthia Townley Ewer, editor and founder of OrganizedChristmas.com recommends creating a giant holiday calendar. Fill in all the holiday plans and commitments, such as school plays and concerts, parties and shopping trips. Then plan around the commitments, filling dates when you will bake cookies, decorate the house, clean or whatever you need to accomplish.
Ewer, whose Web site is filled with organizational tips for the holidays as well as year round at Organizedhome.com, relies on “the plan” to evenly distribute “to-do” items in the days preceding the event.
Good organization and planning are key to reducing stress and the hectic holiday pace.
But families also need to work in balance, Hall said.
Time to relax and enjoy without the pressure to do and accomplish. Time for a big picture look at ourselves and how we fit in the world.
Without balance, Hall says we are committing “self-icide.”
“Literally the killing of our souls and psychological well-being by being out of balance,” she said.
She equates life — paying the bills, buying the groceries, cleaning the house, all of the daily chores —to riding a bike on asphalt or concrete. Then the holidays come and it’s like driving right on to gravel — which makes everything much harder to balance.
Take time for yourself, Hall said.
Take a day off from all the must-dos of the season.
Do something for someone else. Nothing helps balance us more than doing for others, Hall said.
A Hall family tradition is adopting a family for the holidays. The two families meet face-to-face, hear the needs and then set to work to accommodate them. Last year, the Halls decided to adopt “a family nobody else wanted.” They were paired with a paroled man who was convicted of murdering three people 15 years earlier, his deeply psychotic wife and their two children.
“It was one of the toughest things we had done. And it was a growing thing,” Hall said. “It creates family memories.”
Recently, over coffee, she and her oldest daughter reminisced over the families they had “adopted” over the years and the impact it had had on their own lives.
“Set an intention to have ‘an attitude of gratitude,’” Hall said. “Lower your expectations to have a perfect holiday,” she said.
“Be grateful for everything that will happen. … The holidays are a great time to practice gratitude and compassion.”
Reach Erin Andersen at 473-7217 or eandersen@journalstar.com.
Stress relievers
* Take time for yourself every day. Even if it’s just five minutes to enjoy a cup of hot cocoa.
* Don’t skip your daily walk or exercise routine.
* Drink water. Eighty-five percent of the body is water. Water is a natural, calming and healing lubricant.
* Schedule time once or twice a week to take a long bath or a long shower using lavender (calming) or peppermint (energizing) scrub.
*Laugh. “The minute you start laughing your immunoglobin increases 240 percent,” according to Kathleen Hall, founder of The Stress Institute.
* Listen to music. Sing along. Both increase your serotonin levels making you happier and calmer.
* If you need a quick pick-me-up, go into the bathroom let warm water run over your wrists and hands for a few minutes. If you are feeling depressed, do the same thing with cool water.
* Use aromatherapy. Dab some oil on your wrists. Massage your temples with a mixture of lavender and almond oils.
* Rinse a washcloth in cold water and add a drop of two of peppermint essential oil. Put the washcloth on your forehead or the back of your neck.
* Spritz your bedding with linen spray. Lavender and chamomile are calming.
* Memorize one small affirmation to give you a boost. Some of Hall’s favorites: “I say yes to life, and life says yes to me.” “I am strong.” “I am willing to forgive.”
* Do deep breathing exercises.
* Sneak in a power nap.
* Take a brisk walk
* Take 20 and do something creative that you enjoy.
* Eat for the holidays. Make sure your diet is rich in B and B6 vitamins. B vitamins increase the speed of neurons and neuro-pathways. B6 creates serotonin. Take an Omega 3 fish oil supplement, it decreases depression by creating fat around the brain and insulating it.
If you are prone to holiday blues, Seasonal Affective Disorder or depression, you should brighten your life, Hall said.
* Get a special SAD light.
* Add color to your home, from brightly colored plates to brightly colored foods.
* Add scents like citrus and eucalyptus.
* Try something new. Be it a new color to your home, a new food or new decoration.
* Turn on music, or have it playing softly so you hear it first thing when you walk in the door. It, too, creates serotonin.
* Consider adding a pet to the family. Even critters requiring low levels of care can prevent mild depression from turning moderate or severe, Hall said.
* Recognize when you are sinking into depression and address it right away.
Sources: Dr. Kathleen Hall, founder of The Stress Institute, Atlanta, Ga.; and Woman’s Day magazine
Balancers
* Take time to be quiet. Reflect on what says peace and joy.
* Turn off the TV, phone, computer, radio and everything else for just 15 minutes and enjoy the solitude.
* Relish holiday traditions that are fulfilling. Try to find new ones that make your life complete without adding more work and stress.
* Allow yourself to indulge during the holidays. Use the mantra, moderation, not deprivation.
* Just say no. If you just can’t possibly do any more, or don’t want to — it’s OK to say I’m sorry but I can’t make it.
Sources: Dr. Kathleen Hall, founder of The Stress Institute, Atlanta, Ga.; and Woman’s Day magazine.