College students never completely escape the watchful eye of their worrying parents. Most parents say it’s their job to watch out for their children, and most students say there’s nothing wrong with a healthy parent-student relationship.

A good relationship comes in many forms. It could be the one University of Nebraska-Lincoln junior Jeremiah Sjoberg keeps with his parents.

“We really only talk before and around breaks, otherwise there’s very little communication,” he said. “It’s very nice to have a little freedom.”

Other relationships are more like UNL film and new media major David Ackermann’s and his mother’s. He said he and his mom talk a couple of times a week, on average, but sometimes once a day.

“We usually just talk about our days and how things are going,” he said. “We both have hectic schedules, so we like to catch up when we can.”

For most students, the relationship and communication with their parents falls somewhere between those two.

But for a growing number of others, that worrying, watchful eye of Mom or Dad might be hovering just a little too close.

It’s a phenomenon college administrators have dubbed “helicopter parenting,” and it’s increasingly common on campuses across the country.

Helicopter parents aren’t simply parents who talk to their children often. In fact, regular communication is normal.

According to a parent survey by the Chronicle of Higher Education, 74 percent of parents are in contact with their students two or three times a week. Of those parents, one third call once a day.

But while regular and constant contact between parents and students is increasing thanks to cell phones and e-mail, helicopter parents typically cross the line from being a friendly, comfortable voice.  Helicopter parents are the ones who call professors when their student gets a bad grade. They’re the ones who build their students’ class schedules for them. They’re the parents who try to write a student’s paper in order to ensure success.

While the buzzword might be new among college officials, the idea of the helicopter parent isn’t.

“I don’t think it’s a new phenomenon,” said Dawn Braithwaite, a UNL communications professor who specializes in family communication. “I think parents have always been concerned about their children, but there seems to be a higher concern for parents about students’ lives now.”

Experts believe the increase in hovering parents stems from parents’ increased involvement in their children’s lives through grade school and high school. Some, including researchers at Pennsylvania State University and the University of Illinois, believe more parents are basing their own self worth on the accomplishments of their children.

Whatever the reason, it’s making the transition to college independence much harder for parents and students alike.

“Parents are used to protecting and being involved today, and I think the hard thing for students and parents is negotiating independence and dependence and finding a balance,” Braithwaite said.

For some parent-student pairs, that’s proving difficult, especially in the early stages of the college career.

Last year, administrators at the the University of Vermont and the University of California at Santa Barbara went as far as to hire “parent bouncers” at their freshman orientation meetings. The bouncers were actually responsible for ensuring parents wouldn’t tag along as students acclimated to campus and picked out their schedules.

According to the Wall Street Journal, helicopter parents are now flying their way into the job market. Companies including Enterprise Rent-A-Car, Vanguard Group, General Electric and Boeing have reported incidents where parents called to influence recruiters to hire their children.

In cases like that, it’s easy to blame the parent for overparenting, but some think students are just as guilty in letting helicopter parents invade their airspace.

Again, technology might be at the root of it. Braithwaite said the ease of communication with cell phones and e-mail makes it easy for students to rely on parents for emotional support.

“When I was in school, there were times I wished I would have had more contact with my parents,” she said. “Then again, sometimes I didn’t. There were things I had to figure out for myself.”

And that’s the trick for parents — deciding when a student needs help and when the student should work independently to solve his own problems. If Mom and Dad handle the tough conversations with professors and disputes between roommates, students never develop the basic skills they’ll need later in life.

“What you risk by hovering is that (students) don’t learn to solve problems in what I consider a fairly protective environment at a university,” Braithwaite said. “I think if your child’s going to make mistakes, it’s better for them to make mistakes here than with the IRS or with an employer.”

For the most part, students said they’d like the opportunity to resolve tough situations on their own.

“College is supposed to be our time of development and our time to make choices,” Sjoberg said. “If  we care about the grades that much, we should be the one who goes to the professor and be the one who wants the grades changed. I think that students have to really embrace that sort of attitude in order for it to work.”

Braithwaite said the best thing helicopter parents can do is back off a bit and watch from the distance, offering advice without solving the problem.

“And afterward, it would be great to discuss how students handled the problem,” she said.

If all else fails, parents who want to solve problems in the present might do good to think about the future.

“The worst part is that parents and students will pay for it in the end,” Braithwaite said. “Nobody wants a 35-year-old dependent on them.”

Reach Joel Gehringer at 473-7254 or jgehringer@journalstar.com.

How do you know if you're

a helicopter parent?

If the following items describe you, then you're probably overmanaging your child's life:

* You are in constant contact with your child. Cell phones have led to frequent communication between parents and children. If you dial your child's number every day or multiple times each day, then you are hovering. And if your child calls home at any sign of stress or trouble, you are likely overinvolved.

* You are in constant contact with school administration. One of the main goals of going to college is for kids to grow into independent adults who can direct their own affairs. If you're e-mailing or phoning school officials on a regular basis to resolve your child's conflicts, then you are overmanaging.

*You make your child's academic decisions. If you are choosing courses, majors and a career path for your child, then you are too involved. Giving advice or input is certainly acceptable, but being in control of these types of decisions is a sure sign of hovering. On that note, if you ever find yourself doing research or writing a paper for your child, you are definitely a helicopter parent.

* You feel bad about yourself if your child does not do well. If you consider schooling an experience involving both parent and child, then you probably view your child's accomplishments, or lack thereof, as a reflection on you. Helicopter parents base their own self-worth on their children's success. If you feel like a failure when your child fails, you are hovering.

Source: College Board, www.collegeboard.com

How can you help without hovering?

If you suspect you’re a helicopter parent, it's never too late to plant your feet firmly on the ground. Here are some suggestions to help you distance yourself while fostering independence in your child:

* Let your child call you. Avoid the temptation to phone every day. When your child does call, listen and give appropriate input, but refrain from decision making. Also, encourage your child to try to solve problems on his or her own before dialing home. Ultimately, this will help your child to develop self-confidence and self-management skills.

* Stay out of roommate, social and grading disputes. If you rush to the rescue at every turn, your son or daughter will have difficulty taking responsibility in the future. Growing up can be tough, but if you try to eliminate any discomfort or conflict, your child will have trouble functioning as an adult.

*Take a coaching role in the area of finance. Parents certainly want to make sure their children graduate in four years, and navigating college finances can be daunting for students. However, parents miss an opportunity to teach kids fiscal responsibility if they take total control of all economic matters. Working together to plan and budget is your best bet.

* Engage in activities that are personally rewarding. Parents who have interests of their own will find themselves less invested in their children's happiness. This is not to say that you should not care if your child is unhappy. However, if you are content with your own life, you can handle your child's disappointments in stride and be an invaluable resource.

* Be aware of the difference between helpful involvement and unproductive hovering. When your child has experienced emotional or physical trauma, step in. If you notice disturbing behavior or personality changes, step in. If collegiate foul-ups are threatening your child's education, step in. Otherwise, step back and let your son or daughter grow into a responsible, independent adult.

Source: College Board, www.collegeboard.com.