Earlier this week, Google launched a new, spectacular version of Google Earth. This one lets users travel back in time on Earth, dive into any of our oceans, and even take a trip to Mars.

Those are pretty awesome additions to the already awesome program that’s been downloaded more than 500 million times since it launched in 2005. The free application works by tracking geographical information through digital maps and satellite imagery.

At Google Earth 5.0’s unveiling on Monday in San Francisco, the app was endorsed by both former Vice President Al Gore, who said it would be a great tool for witnessing climate change, and beach-baked crooner Jimmy Buffet, who just likes lounging oceanside.

John Hanke, director of Google Earth and Maps, said the idea of adding oceans came three years ago when a scientist pointed out that the software missed the water that covers almost three-quarters of the Earth’s surface.

Google Earth users can plunge beneath the ocean’s surface, explore three-dimensional images of the underwater terrain and view articles and videos about marine science contributed by scientists and organizations such as the National Geographic Society.

I’m rather fond of the shipwreck layer of Google Ocean, which has taught me loads about those naval and pirate vessels (pirates!) that sprung a leak on the great blue yonder.

And as I dipped my toes into the salty goodness of Google Ocean, as I swam with the loggerhead turtles and Caribbean reef shark off the coast of Florida, I came to a startling realization: Google Ocean is so, so, so much better than the real ocean.

Why Google Ocean is better than the ocean

1. While exploring Google Ocean, you know there will be …

- No sunburns. 

- No accidental swallowing of salt water.

- No travel, food, lodging or scuba instructor expenses.

- No chance of getting maimed or murdered by sharks, jellyfish, killer whales, sea snakes, sting rays, sea urchins, tube worms, moray eels, blue-ringed octopi, giant squid or barbarous mermen. As Samuel L. Jackson’s abrupt death sequence in “Deep Blue Sea” showed, the beasts of the hydrosphere can strike at the most unlikely moment.

- And no pirates.

2. The real ocean is a flippin’ terrifying place. It covers 70 percent of the planet’s surface and contains 80 percent of all life, and we’ve only explored 5 percent of it.

Sure, it’s beautiful and majestic, but it’s also dark, brutal and overwhelmingly unknown. Which is why we should explore it from the safe distance of our quaint suburban cul de sacs, at least until the BBC and James Cameron have explored every inch of it. Once every leviathan leftover from prehistoric times has been harpooned and pinned up in a museum, then and only then will I go scuba diving.

3. You can sit in a comfy $250 computer chair with seat-adjustment and butt-warmer features while exploring Google Ocean. If you’re really snorkeling in the ocean, you can’t take the chair with you. So why go?

Reach Micah Mertes at 473-7495 or mmertes@journalstar.com. The Associated Press contributed to this story.