Most freelance writers are born moochers.

With no corporate travel budget behind them and a flood-or-dust income stream in front of them, the art of mooching — traveling, dining, drinking and vacationing on other peoples' tabs — quickly becomes a way of life.

Several years ago, my family set a vacation mooching mark that would embarrass a professional hobo. First we spent three free days at a friend's lakeside cabin in central Minnesota; then we moved farther north for three more free days at the cabin of another friend's father.

Next we headed east for three swell days at a Wisconsin cabin courtesy of my brother-in-law's father-in-law and, as the crowning mooch on our way back home, we stopped for a final night at the Lake Michigan house of my mother-in-law's college roommate.

Sure, that last mooch was a stretch, but recall the moocher's motto: "Take whatever whenever wherever."

The total cost of the 10 nights and 30 or so meals was $50 for gas, $20 for bait and another long listen to my brother-in-law's father-in-law's Korean War wound story.

That mooch, however, can't hold a (free) candle to the grand — make that tens of grand — mooch going on July 25 through July 30 for the 50 or so directors and handful of key hired hands at Dairy Farmers of America, the nation's largest farmer-owned milk cooperative.

Despite the co-op's fast-rising money woes (outlined here two months ago), DFA's board and home office big boys will spend the week working on the co-op's long-term strategic plan at the posh Samoset Resort Hotel on the Atlantic near Rockport, Maine. .

For those 22,000 DFA members nationwide who, unlike their directors, will be home milking cows, baling hay and repairing silo unloaders, the Samoset is not your Average Mooch. In fact, it's not even your Above Average Mooch.

No, the Samoset, according to its website, www.samosetresort.com, is the Shoot The Moon Mooch: "…(C)radled between lush green hills and the blue waters of Penobscot Bay …the 230 oceanside acre resort offers championship golf, four-diamond dining, luxurious guest rooms and first class amenities."

Its prices reflect the "gracious hospitality and service reminiscent of a bygone age." Rooms with an ocean view go for $400 a night. Buffet dinners begin at $30 per person. Eight bucks buys you a breakfast cup of coffee and a sweet roll.

At these rates, the 50 or so dairy directors, plus the staff, headed for Maine's cool, green coast will likely burn through $75,000 of co-op cash for hotel rooms and another $30,000 on food during the week. Airfare to this luxurious hideaway a long way from anywhere will clip the co-op for another $20k or more.

Then there's the $350 per diem each DFA board member is entitled to while away from his cows on co-op business. That tab — 50 directors times $350 per day times five days—comes in at another $87,500.

Then there's the $150 per diem board members earn while traveling to and from official meetings. Fifty directors times $150 times two days of travel to and from Maine chews through another $15,000.

Added up — but excluding liquor, golf, spa treatments, the automatic 19 percent "gratuity" Samoset tacks on anything anyone puts in their mouth, and side trips to L.L. Bean for the spouses who will be attending—DFA will drop north of $250,000 on the planning meeting.

With the co-op's finances on the skids, the Maine-bound milk makers and managers have plenty of planning to do. DFA insiders, however, strongly suggest the swank setting will serve little more than a retirement send-off for DFA's longtime boss, Gary Hanman.

Hanman, 71, was Mid-Am's leader when it and three other regional milk cooperatives merged in 1998 to form DFA. Hanman's already-picked successor will be Richard P. Smith, CEO of Dairylea, a milk co-op with tight connections to Dairy Farmers of America.

After that backbreaking job is over, though, the sweaty laborers can enjoy the ocean views, the golf course and a dozen or more "four diamond" meals. Now that's a world class mooch.

And I should know.  Just ask my friends.

Alan Guebert is a freelance agricultural journalist. He can be reached at agcomm@sbcglobal.net or at 21673 Lago Dr., Delavan, IL  61734.