Beyond 'Quantum,' other movie names best forgotten
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BY SUSAN DUNNE / The Hartford Courant
We thought no James Bond movie could have a worse title than “Octopussy.” We were wrong. The movie with the worst title in the franchise’s history opened last week: “Quantum of Solace.”
We know it’s the title of a story by Ian Fleming. It’s still awful.
This makes us nostalgic for other movies with horrible tags:
- “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” — Fans of the video game it’s based on understood it. Nobody else did.
- “The Human Stain” — Is this something you clean off the baby car seat?
- “The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!” — Can’t the rats eat the werewolves and all the humans live happily ever after?
- “Gigli” — By the time we ran through all the pronunciation options (“giggly”? “jiggly”?) and got to the right answer, “zhee-lee,” the critics had chimed in, and remembering the name became pointless.
- “Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?” — How is a mother supposed to respond? This was a TV movie, but we had to squeeze it in.
- “Krakatoa, East of Java” — Krakatoa is west of Java. Inaccuracy honorable mention: “Leonard Part 6.” There were no Leonards Part 1 through 5.
- “Phffft” — This sounds like a release of bodily gases. Gassy honorable mentions: “Eegah” and “Ssssssss.”
- “Hells Angels On Wheels” — Where else are Hells Angels supposed to be? Redundancy honorable mention: “Attack of the Beast Creatures.”
- “Feeling Minnesota” — The low point of the gerund trend. Gerund honorable mention: “Serving Sara.” Both titles sound like porn.
- “Free Willy” — This sounds like porn, too.
- “Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama’s Hung You in the Closet and I’m Feeling So Sad” — Just stunningly awful. Eclipsed only by:
- “Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?” — ’Nuff said.
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