Steve Batie: Thanks for the summer
Back in the late spring I lamented that I lacked projects to keep me occupied through the summer and would have to rely on the creativity of friends and neighbors instead.
Left to my own devices, I can cause considerable household chaos, waste large amounts of money in hardware stores and generally drive the dog to distraction by making major alterations in his environment.
(He gets bent out of shape when his water dish is moved even a couple of inches, the big baby.)
Happily, friends and neighbors delivered.
Up, up and away
I spent most of an Independence Day weekend, for example, on a porch roof.
Now, I’m not much of a roofer, combining, as I do, bad knees and an unhealthy fear of heights (and the tumble therefrom). But this project interested me because the roof was going to be covered with steel panels rather than fiberglass shingles.
I’m told steel roofs are quite popular across the South, but you seldom see them here on the Great American Desert — and then usually only on commercial buildings.
And because I’m always open to learning new stuff, especially when someone else is footing the bill for materials and beer, I jumped at the chance.
I now know why you don’t see a lot of steel roofs around here.
They’re a pain in the …
Look, suffice it to say there’s no fudge factor with steel.
A shingle roof can be out of square by a couple of inches, and it’s no problem. You just make it up as you go, and no one’s the wiser.
A steel roof, however, has to be perfectly square.
Everywhere.
We spent two frustrating days essentially building a whole new — perfectly square — roof on top of the leaky existing roof, but when the time finally came for the steel to go up, I was back at the office.
So I never did learn how to do it.
Although I did learn why not to.
Summer school
I devoted an hour or two each week through the summer — and more than a little of my carefully hoarded supply of scrap lumber — to operating a tiny woodworking school in my shop.
My students, the neighbors’ three grandsons, learned how to carve (and to never bleed on the wood), how to sand, how to plane and how to use a jigsaw.
They proudly worked on a snowboard with sexy black flames, “jail” and “windmill” birdhouses, throwing arrows, a spear, a sword and a pendant on a chain that I’m told their mother actually wears.
They learned about sliding T-bevels, marking gauges, oil stones and carving hatchets, as well as why a saw’s teeth are set.
I can almost guarantee they are the only grade-schoolers in the city who know any of that stuff.
Down and dirty
Finally, I got to work out my more destructive tendencies by … well … destroying.
Buddy Mark had the crew all lined up to pour the spiffy new patio, but there was a problem.
A decrepit sundeck stood in the way.
Never fear, I promised, I have a vast array of tools of destruction, as well as a free afternoon.
It was sweaty and filthy and entirely glorious.
Just the sort of project you need to occupy a summer afternoon.
Send your home repair and remodeling questions to: HouseWorks, P.O. Box 81609, Lincoln, NE 68501, or e-mail: houseworks@journalstar.com.
Left to my own devices, I can cause considerable household chaos, waste large amounts of money in hardware stores and generally drive the dog to distraction by making major alterations in his environment.
(He gets bent out of shape when his water dish is moved even a couple of inches, the big baby.)
Happily, friends and neighbors delivered.
Up, up and away
I spent most of an Independence Day weekend, for example, on a porch roof.
Now, I’m not much of a roofer, combining, as I do, bad knees and an unhealthy fear of heights (and the tumble therefrom). But this project interested me because the roof was going to be covered with steel panels rather than fiberglass shingles.
I’m told steel roofs are quite popular across the South, but you seldom see them here on the Great American Desert — and then usually only on commercial buildings.
And because I’m always open to learning new stuff, especially when someone else is footing the bill for materials and beer, I jumped at the chance.
I now know why you don’t see a lot of steel roofs around here.
They’re a pain in the …
Look, suffice it to say there’s no fudge factor with steel.
A shingle roof can be out of square by a couple of inches, and it’s no problem. You just make it up as you go, and no one’s the wiser.
A steel roof, however, has to be perfectly square.
Everywhere.
We spent two frustrating days essentially building a whole new — perfectly square — roof on top of the leaky existing roof, but when the time finally came for the steel to go up, I was back at the office.
So I never did learn how to do it.
Although I did learn why not to.
Summer school
I devoted an hour or two each week through the summer — and more than a little of my carefully hoarded supply of scrap lumber — to operating a tiny woodworking school in my shop.
My students, the neighbors’ three grandsons, learned how to carve (and to never bleed on the wood), how to sand, how to plane and how to use a jigsaw.
They proudly worked on a snowboard with sexy black flames, “jail” and “windmill” birdhouses, throwing arrows, a spear, a sword and a pendant on a chain that I’m told their mother actually wears.
They learned about sliding T-bevels, marking gauges, oil stones and carving hatchets, as well as why a saw’s teeth are set.
I can almost guarantee they are the only grade-schoolers in the city who know any of that stuff.
Down and dirty
Finally, I got to work out my more destructive tendencies by … well … destroying.
Buddy Mark had the crew all lined up to pour the spiffy new patio, but there was a problem.
A decrepit sundeck stood in the way.
Never fear, I promised, I have a vast array of tools of destruction, as well as a free afternoon.
It was sweaty and filthy and entirely glorious.
Just the sort of project you need to occupy a summer afternoon.
Send your home repair and remodeling questions to: HouseWorks, P.O. Box 81609, Lincoln, NE 68501, or e-mail: houseworks@journalstar.com.
Copyright © 2002-2009 Lincoln Journal Star. All rights reserved.