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Pastor: Country faces epidemic of fatherlessness

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By ERIN ANDERSEN / Lincoln Journal Star

Saturday, Sep 06, 2008 - 12:37:43 am CDT

More than one-third of all children in the United States do not live with their biological father.

That’s 24.35 million kids under the age of 18, according to 2001 U.S. statistics.

This country is facing an epidemic of fatherlessness, said John Harris,  associate pastor of Christ Temple Church and one of about 50  Lincoln area residents attending Friday’s Leadership Summit on Fatherhood at Embassy Suites.

Story Photo
(photos.com)

The summit, presented by the Nebraska Children and Families Foundation and the Christian Heritage Fatherhood Initiative, brought together people from across the community to brainstorm ideas for helping fathers become more involved in their children’s lives.

National statistics, compiled by the National Fatherhood Initiative, offer proof that fathers — and father figures — do matter, regardless of race or income, said Rich Lewis of ICF International, a government/business consulting firm in Fairfax, Va.

Children growing up without responsible, involved and devoted fathers:

* Do worse in school.

* Are more likely to use drug, alcohol and tobacco — and at an earlier age.

* Are two times more likely to become sexually active at an earlier age and seven times more likely to get pregnant.

* Have more behavioral and mental health problems.

* Are 120 times more likely to be abused — physically, sexually or emotionally.

* Are more likely to be obese, suffer from asthma, get injured and be born at lower birthweights.

* Are more likely to live in poverty.

The human cost of father absence is huge, Lewis told the group.

But rather than focus on the social issues of father absence, summit participants put their energies toward finding ways to improve father presence.

They identified numerous societal issues that make it tougher for dads:

* Stereotypical beliefs about the caregiver role.

* Legal services for men, especially in custody/divorce cases.

* Incarcerated dads.

* Teen dads.

* Boys growing up without father role models and not knowing how to be a good father.

* A lack of comprehensive sex education that addresses the implications of sexual activity on males, as well as a lack of programs and mentors to show kids what positive relationships are.

Now that the issues have been identified, summit leaders hope to come up with a plan to address them, said LaRon Henderson of the Nebraska Fatherhood Initiative.

In closing, Pastor Dennis Banks,  co-founder of Reach Out Christian Center,  summed it up: “As a community, we have an obligation to father the fatherless.”

Reach Erin Andersen at 473-7217 or eandersen@journalstar.com.


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just saying wrote on September 6, 2008 2:15 am:
" That a huge thing they missed was mother choosing to not allow the kids to see their dads. More and more I not only see and hear this happening, I live it. Mothers, please do what is right for the kids. Unless the father is a drunk, druggie, and/or volient person allow your kids to be with there fathers. YOUR ONLY HURTING YOUR CHILDREN!!!! GUYS PLEASE STEP UP AND DO YOUR PART TOO!!! "

 Sonlessness wrote on September 6, 2008 2:46 am:
" Would have loved to live with my son. Ex-wife left me for her boss. Now I get to pay their mortgage while supplying funds for her weekly manicure. Its a good thing I don't mind eating ramen and chef boy 'r d. "

 Jesse brand new dad wrote on September 6, 2008 6:21 am:
" It reminds me of my car engine. My car was designed to run best on a specifc fuel blend in order to get maximum fuel efficiency. If I use the less expensive 10% ethanol blend at the pump, my fuel efficiency drops quickly. It just wasn't designed to work that way. Neither were we designed to be without a loving mother and father. Fathers must stop making the cheaper choice because it is wrecking childeren and our country's engine. Will my car run on the cheaper fuel? Sure. But not without giving up someting. In the case of our families and country, the social consequences described in the article are not worth the cheaper fuel to me. "

 Hang on a minuute.... wrote on September 6, 2008 8:50 am:
" The line that really caught me with this article is 'brought together people from across the community to brainstorm ideas for helping fathers become more involved in their children’s lives.' You people need to realize that there are father's that are involved in their children's lives! Yes, there are some deadbeat dads, but that indicates to me that there's a stereotype here.

We need to begin with the court systems. What I would like to see is a statistic of these fathers that have TRIED to get custody of their children and failed! Failed because most courts favor the mother over the father, even if the mother is not the best suited parent. I am so sick of the dad's getting the short end of the stick when it comes to what society thinks of separated parents.

I am a woman, but I'm sorry, I side with the fathers on this one. WAKE UP COURTS!!!! "

 MarkyMark wrote on September 6, 2008 9:28 am:
" And they claim gays marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage. It honestly looks like the sanctity of marriage has been in shambles for a long time. "

 ET wrote on September 6, 2008 10:18 am:
" We have an epidemic of mothers who use the court system to get child support and alimony from dads, then completely throw the dads out of their kids' lives. This article fails to address that dads are legally bound to be AWAY from their kids when divorce is involved. I have lived it,too. I found this article to be a joke. The real problem is that once a woman decides she wants a different guy, you're gone, and all you will do forever after, is pay her and her boyfriends' bills, period. You will be lucky to see your kids ever again, once the boyfriend calls the cops on your for 'interfering' in their lives when you so much as try to call.
I agree with MarkyMark...the sanctity of marriage was lost LONG ago. "

 Mother of wrote on September 6, 2008 11:58 am:
" My 4 kids' father went to federal prison in 2004 for 40 years. So I am without any type of financial help from him, raising these kids on my own. If there was some type of help out there for fatherless children that do not get child support and income is over the ridiculous income guidelines set by the state, that would make the world of difference. Also, by them sending their father so far away, visits are impossible. The system needs to change tremendously so that these kids of incarcerated parents arent paying the price alone and growing up with so many problems. I would love to know the statistics of how many of these fathers are in prison. "

 single mom wrote on September 6, 2008 12:08 pm:
" The other part of a decent male role model is a mother who does not slam the absent father and who herself is not a drunk, addict, or violent and who has a stable lifestyle, choosing not to let every guy who smiles at her into her children's life. Have some self respect, ladies and live above what society thinks you are. Find a church that will accept you and your children and live the life. Dads, you can do this too. "

 Lets Do This Dance wrote on September 6, 2008 12:26 pm:
" There is an epidemic of fatherlessness in our society. But having a father in the home doesn't mean a child is actually "fathered" either. Just listenening to the comments from men who are angry about having to pay child support for their children makes me wonder what kind of dads they were when they were with their wife and kids.

I paid child support for 10 years on three kids without a problem. When I left my marriage I didn't want my children to suffer a decline in their standard of living. Yes the money goes to their mom... who else can it go to? The family dog?

The first responsibility of a real father is TO BE RESPONSIBLE. And yes, even if your wife was a jerk and left you for your boss, it doesn't change the fact that your kids are still your kids...and always will be. Love them, support them and care for them. If she was a jerk, they'll figure it out...cause if you're a jerk, they'll figure that out too. "

 please explain wrote on September 6, 2008 1:15 pm:
" How is a child with out a father figure born at a lower birth weight BECAUSE they do not have a father. Correct me if I'm wrong but those do not have any relivance what so ever! "

 Sherri wrote on September 6, 2008 2:03 pm:
" Sarah Palin introduced us to teenage pregnancy within her own family. Maybe that child will have a father due to political pressures. Since the mother usually gets custody of children, it would be interesting to read about homes that are "motherless". Homes where mothers are gone on long business trips or spend more time in the office than at home. Family values require presence of BOTH parents. Children suffer neglect when a total effort and presence of parents is not there. And it takes more than parents, it takes a community to not let familes slip through the cracks. "

 acetogen wrote on September 6, 2008 2:13 pm:
" What is meant by lower birth weight is that lack of paternal support of the future mother during pregnancy leads less developed newborns. I agree with the posts made here. I am going through the divorce process myself and I can tell you that kids pay a higher price in having only one parent versus having to separate parents and dealing with the hassle of commuting between different houses. Sole custody should be made rare. "

 I am wrote on September 6, 2008 2:19 pm:
" a mother who was more than happy to share custody of our child with his father. The father choose to leave the country to avoid me getting "his" money. I've heard stories of bad parenting on all sides. Another complaint I hear a lot is fathers whining that their children don't contact them. WHAT!? You are the father and the adult--you have a right (unless you've had that right taken away because of your behavior) to be involved in your children's lives. Stop whining and get involved--whether you are married to the mother of your children or not. There are always two sides to EVERY story. "

 Lydia wrote on September 6, 2008 3:16 pm:
" I have 3 children, raise them myself. I finally started receiving child Support a month ago, after waiting 2 years. I get 39 a week. It helps, would love to have their father here, but he lives far away. This is a straddle the fence defense/offense. There are the good ones, there are the bad ones. At least he pays their allowance, and a few extra necessities at the store. It's better than nothing. Would rather have a father in the home, but living with him is worse than without.... "

 Angela wrote on September 6, 2008 4:21 pm:
" I am a single mother who is blessed to have the father of my 11 year old son very highly involved in my son's life. Not only his father, but his step-mother. All three of us adults work together as a "family"...yes, a family system when it comes to parenting my son. My son knows that no matter what the three of us are there for him and we support each other in the decisions we make. There may be two households and we may not always agree on bedtimes, videogame usage, tv time, etc...but when it boils down to it, the bottom line is that my son is ultimately the most important factor and my son knows it.

My ex-husband and I have set aside our differences and after many years of divorce we have created a friendship. His current wife and I are friends as well. Although I know this may sound like an extremely odd situation, it has worked out best for my son. I consider myself extremely blessed with the situation that I have and I wish other parents were able to experience what I have. "

 FORSHERRI wrote on September 6, 2008 4:46 pm:
" Sherri, you shouldn't criticize moms who travel or spend long hours at the office out of hand. Many moms work hard to support their families, and in this economy that sometimes means long hours and business travel. Would you prefer they quit their jobs and live off the system? Yes, both parents should make their kids a priority, but moms shouldn't be singled out for doing their jobs anymore than dads. "

 The Bottom Line wrote on September 6, 2008 5:27 pm:
" American culture today de-values "fatherhood"...at one time, being a father meant being a husband FIRST. Marriage as an institution is not valued; divorce is a viable option at all costs. Many people are selfish and don't think of their kids. Many women want kids but no husband.

We can thank (or blame) our progressive society for this epidemic. "

 sfufan wrote on September 6, 2008 6:32 pm:
" Angela- you and your ex should be commended.If only more parents would take a lesson from you.The kids are what's important, no matter what the circumstances of the split are. "

 Steveemsyahoo.com wrote on September 6, 2008 6:32 pm:
" Im 21 years old,and a single dad who just won full legal custody of my son after 2.5 years. I wont say names but the courts knew the mother was not getting custody of the children involved. Nope, the foster parents the children were placed with fought me. Isnt that something. But one of the other bio. fathers didnt want anything to do with his daughter from the day she was born. That was back when the mom and I lived together. I paid the bills, changed diapers, rocked her to sleep at night. The only thing I ever asked of him was to see his daughter, come to the house or id drop her off, left it all up to him and he just wanted nothing to do with her. So, I can see all sides of the fatherless epidemic. I read all the comments and every one of them are reality. We just need enough people to care and get involved. An organization (like a buddy system) of people who will work 1 on 1 with single fathers and mothers and to provide counseling, answers to questions, tools to find solutions to everyday problems and a general knowledge of parenting, finances and resources to young parents and couples in an environment where they are comfortable and could remain anonymous if they so choose. Our "system" does not do this. The people who really want to help that are part of the system are not able to because thay are bound by rules set forth by their employers or the govt. that prevent them from being the support system and advocate that these parents need. Every one of the barriers mentioned in the comments need to be addressed and then some. Feel free to e-mail me if u wish. "

 Tammy wrote on September 6, 2008 7:42 pm:
" There is no "one size fits all" solution to this issue. My husband walked out me and our daughter last year. For awhile, he was too busy with his new girlfriend to want much to do with her. It's gotten better, but he still chooses to only spend about 8 hours a week with her. We aren't divorced yet, but he pays no child support, and quite frankly, I won't seek it as I make almost twice what he does, and I'd rather he have the money to be able to not have to live in poverty. I have told him on numerous occations that he can see her whenever he'd like. Certainly, she'd like to have a lot more time with her "Da Da". She is 9. I can tell you that her behavior went to hell for awhile, and we're just now starting to get things back on some kind of even scale, after 9 months. I didn't get married to get divorced, and I didn't have a child to be a single mother. But sometimes things don't work out the way you plan. I thought we had a "normal" marriage, but apparently not. There are as many stories as there are instances out there. The courts are certainly overly biased towards the mother, even in circumstances where that is most obviously NOT the best place for the child to be. There are certainly "deadbeat" dads out there who are nothing more then "sperm donors". There are certaainly women out there who try to trap men into relationships by secretly getting pregnant. There are a myriad of issues. There are NO simple solutions. Fathers ARE a neccessary part of every childs life. So step up dads, no matter what the circumstances...and women, STOP making it next to impossible for those dads to spend time with thier kids. "

 peb wrote on September 6, 2008 8:17 pm:
" Good for you, Steveemsyahoo.com! Your post made my evening! "

 Mrs. Johnson wrote on September 6, 2008 8:36 pm:
" It's too bad the Republicans can't spend some of their time on this instead of wasting so much time on worrying about gays. But I guess they know what stirs the religious right up and they put the Republicans in office. "

 Ethel wrote on September 6, 2008 9:07 pm:
" From birth Moms have a unique and separate relationship with their children. Men don't breast feed, haven't carried a fetus, haven't female hormones. Children sense a difference. Know a difference, Protect a bit different. With that difference comes a dependence, so there may be a period in life that DOES require a different balance at home and work. "

 Simple Solution wrote on September 6, 2008 9:10 pm:
" If a couple is going to have children, get married first; when you have problems, go to your priest/pastor for guidance and counseling.
The most important step? Marriage before children.

Other important steps...get a job/career, pay your bills, stay faithful, pray, get help if you need it. "

 Eric wrote on September 6, 2008 9:18 pm:
" The crux of the problem is with the state in this. If you are female in this state then you get the breaks. I pay my child support on time every month, but still in the eyes of the court I have no rihgts. Only when the court system realizes that fathers have just as many rights as moms do will things improve. I cant count the number of times I had to fight the schools jus to get report cards and such. Child support is NOT accountable. Custodial parents can use the child support however they wish and there is nothng can be done about it. Thankfully my ex and I, after I pulled my head out, realized the kids were the main issue and concentrated on them. Really made things a lot easier. Now, after being divorced for 11 years we get along pretty darn good. All I can say now is only 8 more months and the last one is paid for!!!!! "

 what wrote on September 6, 2008 9:21 pm:
" But if you are a working mom with 5 kids and the father is still at home you get criticized by the libs and the press for running for VP and not aborting your special needs child.. "

 Takes two to tango..... wrote on September 6, 2008 9:41 pm:
" Maybe if more women looked for nice guys to, uh, pro-create with rather than the fun, exciting, dashing personality types, or looked for guys that have JOBS and MORALS this wouldn't be a problem. Maybe if some of the single never married moms didn't get busy with the first hot guy that came along just because he was hot this wouldn't be an issue... whatever happens to "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage"??? "

 Esther wrote on September 6, 2008 9:58 pm:
" It is great to see "the child" comes first. We read here that spouses might take different paths for whatever reason. Children depend on their parents, especially the mother from conception through some age of independence. Fathere play a significant role, but that role varies and never really is the same as that of the mother. So with working moms it becomes either a choice of necessity or selfishness that they would break away from the expectations and needs of a child at an early age. Some breaks can be controlled, others out of necessity are not controllable. And depending on the man, he might be a father who can step in for the professional mom, but they are rare. None the less they need to be there. "

 to what wrote on September 6, 2008 10:09 pm:
" A working mom with 5 children, one a son going to Iraq, one a special needs child...most mom's who could, would stay home with their family in that situation until the 4 month old has been given the treasure of his lifetime, the love only a mom can give, the woman he has been with for 13 months. Those moments with that situation separtes a hero and a VP. "

 TWP wrote on September 6, 2008 10:11 pm:
" I just don't get it. I thought that a woman's right to kill her baby as long as it was still in the womb (or shortly afterward if the abortion failed, according to Obama), was supposed to make it so that every child was a wanted child. How do all these wanted children become "fatherless"? I would ask Sarah Palin for a woman's perspective on this issue, but according to Gloria Steinem, Gov. Palin is not really a woman. I wonder if Mr. Palin is aware of this. "

 Susan wrote on September 6, 2008 10:21 pm:
" This seems to have move from fatherlessness to mothers validating their important role. Yes, a mother who has a son in Iraq, a pregnant 17 yo daughter, and a special needs child makes a choice, is she going to be a hero or a VP? So many mothers choose to be a hero, putting family first. What Sarah Palin does is a choice no different than other moms are put in, many don't have a choice, or is there really a choice? "

 Marge wrote on September 6, 2008 10:30 pm:
" I say send Sarah Palin home to her children. That family REALLY needs support of the nation so that family stays together and is out of the public eye. She might not think she needs a mom, but the nation knows there are equally qualified women out there who can be VP, they can't take the place of a mom in that home. Send Sarah Home. "

 Matt wrote on September 6, 2008 10:47 pm:
" Are you kidding me?? The reason single mothers usually write the fathers out of their kid's life is that the father is usually a jerk or is simply not a good father. I have lived this too, but I am on the "step-father" end. My step-son's biological father is a total and complete waste and his influence on my step-son is nothing but detrimental. She is bound by the court system to allow him to see my step-son (on the very very few occasions he makes the effort to see my step-son). This idea that single mothers are taking advantage of the legal system is ridiculous.

Furthermore, an ex-wife (or ex-girlfriend) cannot simply "stop [you] from seeing your child." If you truly want to see your child and she doesn't cooperate - as ordered by the court - then you must legally assert those court granted rights. What is often the case is she makes things a bit difficult and the biological father just uses that as an excuse to go out with his buddies on the weekend or not make an effort.

While I'm sure there are exceptions, the vast vast majority of cases involve a dead beat father and a single mother trying to make ends meat.

Please note I am NOT saying that fathers who do not live with their children are dead beats. Most fathers I know do every thing they can to be part of their kid's lives. My point is only directed as those "fathers" who look at every excuse possible to skip out of responsibility and often times blame the single mother for stopping the father form seeing the kids - even though the father makes no legal effort to assert his rights.

To one of the above posters, the reason a baby would be born at a lower birth weight is because that child didn't receive adequate prenatal care due to the economic conditions the dead beat father put the single mother in...no money = lack of prenatal care. "

 Pathetic wrote on September 6, 2008 11:06 pm:
" Contrary to your beliefs all you judgmental, condescending, "holier than thou" people out there do not have a monopoly on morality.

For god's sake, some of your posts are literally blaming the woman for getting pregnant by an immoral and irresponsible guy. How about blame the immoral and irresponsible guy!!! Your posts sound nearly identical to excerpts from the Scarlett Letter.

I'm practically embarrassed to even read some of these posts. Bringing up Obama and abortion??? Do you even know what Obama's stances on abortion are? Do you realize up until last year McCain had always been pro-choice??

About 75% of these posts contain nothing but hatred and ignorance and those of you making these posts should be completely and totally ashamed of yourself.

Tell me whose more moral: A single mother fighting and scraping to get by in order to provide for her child or an anonymous poster who essentially blames the single mother for "getting busy with the first 'hot' guy she sees" while at the same time failing to hold the "hot guy" accountable.

Absolutely embarrassing. "

 to to what wrote on September 7, 2008 5:23 am:
" What are you saying? She has the child with her but then gets criticized by the press and the libs bacause she is not at home with him. You guys should make up your minds. "

 Laurie wrote on September 7, 2008 8:35 am:
" Other American Evangelicals just told every teenage girl in this country that it was just FINE to git pregnint and have a oh-so-cute little baby as long as you KEEP it and come on home to Jesus. "

 To TWP wrote on September 7, 2008 8:41 am:
" I understand your frustration. You must be very upset with the Pro-life President and Congress between 2001-2007 who didn't lift a finger to overturn Roe V Wade. This bunch of "Baby Killers" should quit proclaiming to be pro-life just to use you for your vote. "

 Hang in there Dads wrote on September 7, 2008 5:34 pm:
" What a great discussion. I applaud of all of you who are avoiding the political and religous wingnuts and sticking to the issue.

I don't know of a group that provides specific support to divorced fathers with children, but I think it is a real need. I am sure the courts would promote it. Divorce is the only option for some folks and its a reality of our broken humanity. Its hard on kids no matter how congenial the parents behave. I've been the angry dad who wanted custody of my kids just to punish the mom. Its so easy to step over that edge when you are hurt and angry. But it wasn't in my kids best interest and I worked it through with the help of God and some friends.

The lesson I learned was to keep the kids first... always... in everything. As long as I kept that focus, I could manage the other things I felt a lot better. "

 JPB wrote on September 7, 2008 8:40 pm:
" Simple Solution's post makes the most sense of all of these musings and personal experience stories.
It is hard to believe this society is so simple minded and selfish that "societal issues" make it harder for men to be responsible partners with their wives/girlfriends/"baby's mommas" and parents to their own children.
We have an obligation to father our own children. "

 I agree with wrote on September 8, 2008 12:40 am:
" It takes two. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. If men can get what they want from women without proving they are responsible or making a commitment, they will. It is mens responsibility to be good fathers, but not all men will be, so it is womens responsibility to choose wisely. "

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