Wire Watch, 8/31

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BY KARL VOGEL / Lincoln Journal Star

Word came down late Friday that Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver/attention hound Chad Johnson had legally changed his name.

Now, call him Chad Javon Ocho Cinco.

Not one to be one-upped, Steve Carrell reportedly is considering changing his character’s name for the upcoming movie blockbuster sequel, “Get Ocho Seis.”

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Sometimes adults say and write the darnedest things:

Ian Hamilton, Regina (Saskatchewan) Leader-Post: (on  Chinese acupuncturist Wei Shengchu celebrating the Olympic Games by sticking more than 100 needles bearing miniature national flags in his scalp and parading around Beijing) “The modern pintathlon.”

Pete McEntegart, SI.com: (on Olympic sprint sensation Usain Bolt) “He’s so fast, he’s literally invisible to American viewers until 13 hours after he finishes.”

David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “How many of the schools listed in U.S. News & World Report’s top 25 American colleges also were listed among The Associated Press’ top 25 college football teams? Answer: None.”

Steve Schrader, Detroit Free Press: (speculating on what Southern cooking icon Paula Deen might tell the drivers as grand marshal for last week’s Food City 250 stock-car race in Bristol, Tenn.) “Hey, y’all! No driving on the apron!”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: (on Kyle Orton being named the Chicago Bears’ starting QB) “Truth is, everybody will play quarterback this year, because the Bears’ offensive line is expected to be brought up on manslaughter charges.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “True story: Several Southern Cal players have had to miss practice time recently because of a severe outbreak of ‘jock itch.’ I’m just wondering if this means we should ‘scratch’ the Trojans from the national-title picture.”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “Jericho Scott, 9, has been banned from pitching in the Youth Baseball League of New Haven, Conn., AP reported, because he can throw a 40-mph fastball. In other Jericho Scott news, he’s reportedly dating a Chinese gymnast.”

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “It’s official: Hurricane Fay was in South Florida longer than Nick Saban.”

Gabe Ross, assistant general manager of the Triple-A Sacramento (Calif.) River Cats: (on the merits of the team’s Obama/McCain bobblehead night) “People are looking for the same traits in their bobblehead as they are in their next president — a candidate with a solid foundation and a good head on their shoulders.”