Local View: Gott's advice on jealousy could prove dangerous

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BY BILL MOYERS

The Family Violence Council was concerned about the headline and advice contained in Dr. Peter Gott’s advice column in the Saturday, Sept. 24, Lincoln Journal Star.

The column was headlined, “Excessive jealousy calls for couples therapy.” In the column, a man writes to Dr. Gott, stating “When I saw your article about inappropriate distrust, I thought you were talking about my wife until I started reading.”

The man asked Dr. Gott, “Does the same advice go for men that you gave women?” Dr. Gott’s response was “I strongly urge marriage counseling for any couple (married or not) that is in this no-win situation.”

Unfortunately, both the advice and the headline, in the case of domestic violence, are wrong and extremely dangerous.

Regarding jealousy, Dr. Neil Websdale of Northern Arizona University has written books on his federal government-funded research into causes of intimate partner homicides and is also a director of the federal government-funded National Domestic Violence Fatality Review Initiative. In his article, “Lethality Assessment Tools,” published in 2000 by the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence Websdale stated:

“Essentially the antecedents that emerged (from Websdale’s research) most prominently in both multiple and single killings are, in order of importance: a prior history of domestic violence; an estrangement, separation, or an attempt at separation nearly always by a female party; and a display of obsessive-possessiveness or morbid jealousy on the part of the eventual perpetrator; often accompanied by suicidal ideations, plans, or attempts; sleep disturbances (sometimes under treatment medically) and stalking of the victim.”

Regarding counseling, the Office for Prevention of Domestic Violence of New York State notes under its “Best Practices” section: “Do not work with victims and abusers together in couple or family counseling, mediation, or multi-family groups.” Similarly, the U.S. Department of Justice in an article, “Controversial Approaches to Batterer Intervention,” states: “Many practitioners disapprove of — and at least 20 states’ standards and guidelines expressly prohibit — couples counseling for batterers.”

While the use of couples counseling to deal with jealousy issues may be appropriate when domestic violence isn’t present, readers should know and understand that is NOT OK when domestic violence is present in the relationship. Instead, it can do harm.

Moreover, morbid jealousy is one of the “red flags” for domestic violence which any counselor should recognize. The couples in Dr. Gott’s column may or may not be experiencing domestic violence. But, before sending them off to marriage counseling, determining whether domestic violence is part of the situation should occur to insure that the marriage counseling isn’t harmful.

The Family Violence Council finds it disappointing that Dr. Gott provides such potentially harmful advice without apparent regard to the dynamics of domestic violence.

Bob Moyer is executive director of the Family Violence Council.