Community Columnist: These shoes are made for walking, not being stepped on at the airport

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BY LISA ZENTZ

I just had a birthday, so many would assume I am older and wiser, but honestly, I am beginning to question that assumption myself each time I enter the airport. Having been in Manhattan on 9/11, most would assume that, of all people, I would appreciate what Homeland Security is trying to do to make air travel safe for my fellow passengers.

In the name of safety, they have confiscated my tweezers, nail files, cuticle clippers, cuticle scissors, jostled my computer hundreds of times, patted me down and discovered I prefer underwire, have rifled through the dainties in my luggage, seen the inside of my waistband and learned that my travel staple — beef jerky — is actually a food product!

With each encroachment, I feel no safer, certainly more violated, but admittedly have grown to accept the constant but slippery slope that has become the erosion of our personal rights. I have endured the added time in airports silently and submitted willingly — until now. Homeland Security has encroached upon my personal space in such a way I feel I can no longer remain silent.

The new X-ray scanning technology, that's been labeled a "virtual strip search" by the American Civil Liberties Union, you ask? No, of course not. If you're actually carrying something nasty on the plane and have it hidden in a crevice that can only be seen via X-ray, by all means, let's have a look.

But that isn't the issue at hand, and I digress. No, it's much worse than discovering that you're a) male or b) female through the wonders of technology. They have the gall to strongly suggest that we remove our shoes to walk through airport security!  If we choose not to do so, we may be banished to the Transportation Security Administration cattle chute for further search and potential seizure. Although this tactic creates less excitement now that the search is performed by a member of the same sex, the pre-boarding pat down gets our flight off to a jolly good start now, doesn't it?

Why my concern over shoes? Well, I can thank my grandmother, who convinced me at a young age that going barefoot led to disease. While I was the only one at the public pool wearing flip-flops in the shower, I did it to be safe — to protect my feet from the millions of microbes just waiting to attack my precious little piggies.  The trend of keeping my feet covered — sans bedtime — has continued for 42 years. In fact, it's led to an obsession about foot coverings (for which Saks Fifth Avenue is forever grateful) and to healthy, happy and pretty feet.

So each week at the airport, I'm faced with some major decision points: Do I take my shoes off and expose my feet to the enhanced microbes of the 21st century or do I submit to the search? Recently, I put a stake in the ground and decided that I would not a) walk barefooted or sock footed through LaGuardia or any other airport in the name of air travel safety, nor b) would I blindly obey their increasingly ridiculous demands seemingly designed more to ease their job than to secure my safety.  

The decision to opt for the search has been a puzzler for the TSA agents, most of whom are expecting me to submit without question. As I wander into the cattle chute, sit comfortably feet up, awaiting the return of my shoes, I take great comfort in knowing that my feet are free from germs and that my shoes are cared for and the return to their owner assured. 

Having just completed this very exercise, I found myself flying with a pilot and took advantage of the captive audience next to me to learn about the inner workings of the industry. So, I asked this fellow, if you could change one thing about the airline industry, what would it be? Oddly enough, it had nothing to do with the airline industry but rather making the security procedures run more smoothly for people.

In turn, he asked for my answer to the same question. I said customer service and consumer privacy, adding that there are either a lot of people in these jobs that either don't like their jobs or don't like us — and it shows!

OK, now given that most airlines treat travelers like cattle and TSA agents treat travelers like annoying, amateur terrorists, I have to ask why I seem to be the only one protesting this treatment, albeit on a small scale? Have we decided that any pre-flight treatment, from shoddy customer service to invasive X-ray technology, is an acceptable price of airline travel? I would hope not, but without consumer pushback and equal harassment of our elected officials, that is exactly what we will continue to get.

Stand up for your rights! Sit down, take your shoes off, put your feet up and insist on better care! Otherwise, get used to flying in pedicure flip-flops and hospital gowns, with a national identity number microchip imbedded on your person, clearly visible via X-ray.

Lisa Zentz signs her e-mails with this motto: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safety in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO what a ride!'"