Safety Net: Kids and parents need to know how to travel the Internet highway safely
She was 14.
He was 17.
The boys at her Lincoln school didn't even notice her.
But he did. And by the looks of that picture he e-mailed, he was "really hot." Plus, he was a pitcher for his high school baseball team.
"Oh, score!" the girl said, recalling the instant she opened the photo of this shirtless stud grinning beneath his baseball cap. "This really hot guy is attracted to me!"
They met in an AOL teen chat room. She had sent out a message: "If anyone wants to talk or whatever."
"He IM'ed me," the girl said. (IM is slang for Instant Messaging). "We started talking. I was 14 and craving for attention. He gave me that attention I wanted. Other guys at my school didn't."
She sent him a picture of herself.
He asked her to be his girlfriend.
She said yes. She gave him her telephone number. They started calling each other.
When her mom shut down the cyber relationship, he told the girl how to get around the rules by signing in as a "guest" and using someone else's screen name.
He loved her. He understood her.
He asked her to make a videotape of herself - a sexually explicit tape. She made it while baby-sitting three kids ages 5 to 10. She had her 12-year-old brother make the videotape.
She loved him.
One of the kids told his parents, who called the girl's mom.
The girl's mom was hysterical when she called Lincoln police.
"They were at our home within five minutes to help me," she recalled.
Police assumed the girl's online identity. When he asked her to mail him the videotape, the police complied and included a postal inspector and six cops to ensure its safe delivery.
At the Levittown, N.Y., address they discovered the boyfriend was a 51-year-old unemployed man who spent his days in front of his five computers e-mailing, sweet-talking and engaging in cyber-sex, telephone sex and worse with kids. He also was a coach for the Levittown Police Athletic League girls team.
Even after the arrest, the girl refused to believe her sweetheart was anything but the hottie in the picture - until a Lincoln Police officer explained her boyfriend "is not who you think he is."
Later when she saw his picture she let out a scream and collapsed to the floor bawling.
"He looks like what you would find if you looked up 'Uncle Pervey' in the dictionary," said Sgt. Scott Christensen, of the Nebraska State Patrol's Computer Crimes Unit.
"He looked like he freaking crawled out from under a bridge," says the girl's mother.
It took three years for the case against Ray Mastandrea to close.
In January, he was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison for sexual exploitation of children.
It's a true story. The girl, now 17, has since moved out of state with her family. She still struggles with what he did to her - emotionally, mentally and physically, all from thousands of miles away. (At the family's request and because the Journal Star does not identify the victims of sexual crimes, the family's identity is being withheld.)
But it's a story, Christensen tells seventh-, eighth- and ninth-graders when he goes out to the schools to talk about Internet safety.
And he is always amazed by its effect.
He starts with the stud picture Mastandrea sent the girl.
He asks how many girls in the room would talk to him.
"The girls say 'ooohh. baby,'" Christensen. "They howl, 'he's fine.'"
Then he flashes the real picture of stud boy.
"Usually I have at least one girl scream (in horror)," Christensen said. "They about suck all the oxygen out of the room - they all gasp."
The point is painfully obvious.
Just as kids can be whoever they want to be online - so can the bad guys who want to hurt them.
It happens over and over and over - more than the nation's 39 units of cyber-cops can keep up with. Thousands of times more than they ever will know about.
Kids don't want to believe it could happen to them.
Parents lull themselves into thinking their kids are safe - after all they're at home just "chatting" with friends.
But do you know those friends? asks Christensen.
Do you know your child's screen name?
Do you know if they have an online profile? And if so, do you know what information they have posted about themselves? Home states, school mascots, athletic interests, hobbies, etc., can all be listed in a predator's buddy preference search linking them with chat-happy kids, Christensen said.
Do you personally know every single person on your child's buddy list?
Do you know what they talk about?
Do you know what they send back and forth? (Currently the majority of child pornography being transmitted across computer lines is being sent or forwarded by juveniles - teens under age 18, according to Christensen).
"Adults will send kids video cameras and Web cams to get kids to pose for them" Christensen said. "I have an active case in rural Nebraska where a guy from Minnesota was sending a young girl money in Reese's Pieces bags, having her take naked pictures of herself and send them to him. This guy was sending her sex toys. And she's a preteen girl."
Kids and parents need to be educated about how to travel that Internet highway safely, said Jonathan King, community outreach director of iSAFE America, a nonprofit Internet safety program funded by the federal Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
"While the Internet appears to be a free space for communication of ideas, people need to adhere to the responsibilities that exist in the real world," King said. "Just as there are places to be careful in the real world - look both ways before crossing the street; don't take candy from strangers; and don't go to these places - the Web is similar in regard to appropriate and inappropriate places to visit."
The Internet provides easy access to just about everywhere - that can be fortunate or unfortunate, he said.
Education. Knowing how to be safe. Knowing what not to say. Recognizing and then doing something about it when something makes you feel uncomfortable are the lessons kids need to know and parents need to teach with compassion and understanding, King said.
In and of itself, the Internet is not evil, Christensen said.
His own preteen daughters have laptops, wireless hookup and supervised access to the Internet. He doesn't spy on them. But he does want to know who belongs to that screen name they are Instant Messaging. As long as he knows the buddy, everything is OK.
Kids do not need to be policed, King said.
Policing kids, forbidding the Internet - it all handicaps kids, he said.
"So when they find themselves in a compromising situation, they will not have the tools to protect themselves," King said.
Kids need to know the traps of pop-ups, viruses, typpo traps, online games and contests and cyber bullying.
They need to how to get out of a porn or other inappropriate site when clicking "X" or hitting the "back arrow" doesn't work. They need to know a "Congratulations you won!!!!" pop-up does not mean they're really winners.
They need to know seemingly innocuous information can direct a predator straight to their doorstep.
"It's not uncommon for a predator to have 300 to 400 students at a time," King said. "The more fish in the pool, the better the opportunity they have to meet an individual online and in real life."
What starts out innocently can turn harmful in a matter of minutes.
Predators look for risk takers - kids whose profiles or screen names indicate a willingness to push the envelope. They look for kids who appear vulnerable. Adolescents struggling with emotional, physical and sexual changes are prime targets. Kids, because they lack the maturity to recognize and handle such predatory situations, are frequent victims.
"(Predators) do isolation techniques like an adult would do in person: I understand you. Your parents don't. I can be trusted. You can come to me," Christensen said. "When you go into a chat room and vent, these people are there ready to pounce: Stay with me. I'll take care of you. When all they are really looking for is a child."
They build the child's trust. They encourage their friendship to be secret. Sometimes they threaten to hurt the child if he/she reveals information about their friendship. Sometimes they send pornographic images to lower inhibitions, provide instructions and arouse their victims, according to iSAFE.
Not all predators are looking for sex. Some want to harm people physically or sexually. Some just "want to play with your mind," King said.
Parents need to know the warning signs their child may be being "groomed" by predator:
n Are they spending excessive time on the Internet - especially late at night?
n Are they secretive about cyber friends and what they do on the Internet?
n Are they withdrawing from family and friends or acting depressed?
The mother of the girl cyber-seduced by the 51-year-old says she saw the warning signs. And she had rules in place to protect her children.
"The computer was in a public place (in our home). I knew about the 'hide' button. Imade her tell me who all the buddies were," the mother said.
"She had a name for every buddy on her list. The reality is I didn't know any of them," she said.
She thought her daughter was safe because it was a kids chat room with safeguards to block sexually explicit material.
"That wasn't the problem. The problem was this evil guy was pretending to be a teenager," the mother said.
Eventually the mom took away computer privileges, and went so far as to lock the computer room door.
"As an adult he knew how to get around parents. He encouraged her to lie to us and told her how to get around our restrictions," the mother said.
The family considers themselves lucky - Mastandrea never made physical contact with their daughter. But he hurt. He betrayed her trust. He sexually abused her through exploitation.
"Her entire growing up years - ages 14 to 17 - have been completely tainted by this," the mom said.
The family still has a computer and Internet access. They use it frequently for research, fun, e-mailing and Instant Messaging family and friends. But the kids never surf without a parent. Buddy lists contain only known buddies. And nobody sets foot in a chat room - by choice.
"The Internet is an awesome thing," the mom said. "But it can be very dangerous."
Reach Erin Andersen at 473-7217 or eandersen@;journalstar.com.
Learn more
Web sites:
n iSafe.org - Full of safety tips for parents, kids and communities. Provides a free K-12 Internet safety curriculum for schools. iSAFE is funded by the federal Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
n netsmartz.org - a site for young kids, teens and adults, filled with safety activities and true stories like "Amy's Choice." Web site is a cooperative effort of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and Boys and Girls Clubs of America.
Reading:
n "Katie.com: My Story" by Katherine Tarbox - the true story of a 13-year-old girl who fell for a cyber predator.
He was 17.
The boys at her Lincoln school didn't even notice her.
But he did. And by the looks of that picture he e-mailed, he was "really hot." Plus, he was a pitcher for his high school baseball team.
"Oh, score!" the girl said, recalling the instant she opened the photo of this shirtless stud grinning beneath his baseball cap. "This really hot guy is attracted to me!"
They met in an AOL teen chat room. She had sent out a message: "If anyone wants to talk or whatever."
"He IM'ed me," the girl said. (IM is slang for Instant Messaging). "We started talking. I was 14 and craving for attention. He gave me that attention I wanted. Other guys at my school didn't."
She sent him a picture of herself.
He asked her to be his girlfriend.
She said yes. She gave him her telephone number. They started calling each other.
When her mom shut down the cyber relationship, he told the girl how to get around the rules by signing in as a "guest" and using someone else's screen name.
He loved her. He understood her.
He asked her to make a videotape of herself - a sexually explicit tape. She made it while baby-sitting three kids ages 5 to 10. She had her 12-year-old brother make the videotape.
She loved him.
One of the kids told his parents, who called the girl's mom.
The girl's mom was hysterical when she called Lincoln police.
"They were at our home within five minutes to help me," she recalled.
Police assumed the girl's online identity. When he asked her to mail him the videotape, the police complied and included a postal inspector and six cops to ensure its safe delivery.
At the Levittown, N.Y., address they discovered the boyfriend was a 51-year-old unemployed man who spent his days in front of his five computers e-mailing, sweet-talking and engaging in cyber-sex, telephone sex and worse with kids. He also was a coach for the Levittown Police Athletic League girls team.
Even after the arrest, the girl refused to believe her sweetheart was anything but the hottie in the picture - until a Lincoln Police officer explained her boyfriend "is not who you think he is."
Later when she saw his picture she let out a scream and collapsed to the floor bawling.
"He looks like what you would find if you looked up 'Uncle Pervey' in the dictionary," said Sgt. Scott Christensen, of the Nebraska State Patrol's Computer Crimes Unit.
"He looked like he freaking crawled out from under a bridge," says the girl's mother.
It took three years for the case against Ray Mastandrea to close.
In January, he was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison for sexual exploitation of children.
It's a true story. The girl, now 17, has since moved out of state with her family. She still struggles with what he did to her - emotionally, mentally and physically, all from thousands of miles away. (At the family's request and because the Journal Star does not identify the victims of sexual crimes, the family's identity is being withheld.)
But it's a story, Christensen tells seventh-, eighth- and ninth-graders when he goes out to the schools to talk about Internet safety.
And he is always amazed by its effect.
He starts with the stud picture Mastandrea sent the girl.
He asks how many girls in the room would talk to him.
"The girls say 'ooohh. baby,'" Christensen. "They howl, 'he's fine.'"
Then he flashes the real picture of stud boy.
"Usually I have at least one girl scream (in horror)," Christensen said. "They about suck all the oxygen out of the room - they all gasp."
The point is painfully obvious.
Just as kids can be whoever they want to be online - so can the bad guys who want to hurt them.
It happens over and over and over - more than the nation's 39 units of cyber-cops can keep up with. Thousands of times more than they ever will know about.
Kids don't want to believe it could happen to them.
Parents lull themselves into thinking their kids are safe - after all they're at home just "chatting" with friends.
But do you know those friends? asks Christensen.
Do you know your child's screen name?
Do you know if they have an online profile? And if so, do you know what information they have posted about themselves? Home states, school mascots, athletic interests, hobbies, etc., can all be listed in a predator's buddy preference search linking them with chat-happy kids, Christensen said.
Do you personally know every single person on your child's buddy list?
Do you know what they talk about?
Do you know what they send back and forth? (Currently the majority of child pornography being transmitted across computer lines is being sent or forwarded by juveniles - teens under age 18, according to Christensen).
"Adults will send kids video cameras and Web cams to get kids to pose for them" Christensen said. "I have an active case in rural Nebraska where a guy from Minnesota was sending a young girl money in Reese's Pieces bags, having her take naked pictures of herself and send them to him. This guy was sending her sex toys. And she's a preteen girl."
Kids and parents need to be educated about how to travel that Internet highway safely, said Jonathan King, community outreach director of iSAFE America, a nonprofit Internet safety program funded by the federal Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
"While the Internet appears to be a free space for communication of ideas, people need to adhere to the responsibilities that exist in the real world," King said. "Just as there are places to be careful in the real world - look both ways before crossing the street; don't take candy from strangers; and don't go to these places - the Web is similar in regard to appropriate and inappropriate places to visit."
The Internet provides easy access to just about everywhere - that can be fortunate or unfortunate, he said.
Education. Knowing how to be safe. Knowing what not to say. Recognizing and then doing something about it when something makes you feel uncomfortable are the lessons kids need to know and parents need to teach with compassion and understanding, King said.
In and of itself, the Internet is not evil, Christensen said.
His own preteen daughters have laptops, wireless hookup and supervised access to the Internet. He doesn't spy on them. But he does want to know who belongs to that screen name they are Instant Messaging. As long as he knows the buddy, everything is OK.
Kids do not need to be policed, King said.
Policing kids, forbidding the Internet - it all handicaps kids, he said.
"So when they find themselves in a compromising situation, they will not have the tools to protect themselves," King said.
Kids need to know the traps of pop-ups, viruses, typpo traps, online games and contests and cyber bullying.
They need to how to get out of a porn or other inappropriate site when clicking "X" or hitting the "back arrow" doesn't work. They need to know a "Congratulations you won!!!!" pop-up does not mean they're really winners.
They need to know seemingly innocuous information can direct a predator straight to their doorstep.
"It's not uncommon for a predator to have 300 to 400 students at a time," King said. "The more fish in the pool, the better the opportunity they have to meet an individual online and in real life."
What starts out innocently can turn harmful in a matter of minutes.
Predators look for risk takers - kids whose profiles or screen names indicate a willingness to push the envelope. They look for kids who appear vulnerable. Adolescents struggling with emotional, physical and sexual changes are prime targets. Kids, because they lack the maturity to recognize and handle such predatory situations, are frequent victims.
"(Predators) do isolation techniques like an adult would do in person: I understand you. Your parents don't. I can be trusted. You can come to me," Christensen said. "When you go into a chat room and vent, these people are there ready to pounce: Stay with me. I'll take care of you. When all they are really looking for is a child."
They build the child's trust. They encourage their friendship to be secret. Sometimes they threaten to hurt the child if he/she reveals information about their friendship. Sometimes they send pornographic images to lower inhibitions, provide instructions and arouse their victims, according to iSAFE.
Not all predators are looking for sex. Some want to harm people physically or sexually. Some just "want to play with your mind," King said.
Parents need to know the warning signs their child may be being "groomed" by predator:
n Are they spending excessive time on the Internet - especially late at night?
n Are they secretive about cyber friends and what they do on the Internet?
n Are they withdrawing from family and friends or acting depressed?
The mother of the girl cyber-seduced by the 51-year-old says she saw the warning signs. And she had rules in place to protect her children.
"The computer was in a public place (in our home). I knew about the 'hide' button. Imade her tell me who all the buddies were," the mother said.
"She had a name for every buddy on her list. The reality is I didn't know any of them," she said.
She thought her daughter was safe because it was a kids chat room with safeguards to block sexually explicit material.
"That wasn't the problem. The problem was this evil guy was pretending to be a teenager," the mother said.
Eventually the mom took away computer privileges, and went so far as to lock the computer room door.
"As an adult he knew how to get around parents. He encouraged her to lie to us and told her how to get around our restrictions," the mother said.
The family considers themselves lucky - Mastandrea never made physical contact with their daughter. But he hurt. He betrayed her trust. He sexually abused her through exploitation.
"Her entire growing up years - ages 14 to 17 - have been completely tainted by this," the mom said.
The family still has a computer and Internet access. They use it frequently for research, fun, e-mailing and Instant Messaging family and friends. But the kids never surf without a parent. Buddy lists contain only known buddies. And nobody sets foot in a chat room - by choice.
"The Internet is an awesome thing," the mom said. "But it can be very dangerous."
Reach Erin Andersen at 473-7217 or eandersen@;journalstar.com.
Learn more
Web sites:
n iSafe.org - Full of safety tips for parents, kids and communities. Provides a free K-12 Internet safety curriculum for schools. iSAFE is funded by the federal Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
n netsmartz.org - a site for young kids, teens and adults, filled with safety activities and true stories like "Amy's Choice." Web site is a cooperative effort of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and Boys and Girls Clubs of America.
Reading:
n "Katie.com: My Story" by Katherine Tarbox - the true story of a 13-year-old girl who fell for a cyber predator.
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